How to Dismiss, Fire, and Reject Appropriately
By Doris Wild Helmering
www.doriswildhelmering.com

A writer called me in tears, feeling absolutely devastated. She had just spoken with an editor she had worked with in the past, and he had totally panned an article she had submitted. Among his comments: The material wasn’t fresh. He had heard it all before. No one would be interested in reading such a piece. The structuring of the article was bad.

I listened to my friend and then pointed out that she has articles published in major magazines all the time, and she certainly knew how to structure an article, and what an idiot the guy was. I told her that she probably had caught the guy in a lousy mood, and he had simply taken his bad feelings out on her.

My friend’s plight did call to mind, however, a letter which I received some years back about a children’s book I submitted to a publishing house. The letter pointed out to me that all stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end, and that I would do well to go to the library and read some children’s books. Fortunately, I thought the letter was ridiculous so I didn’t give it any credence except to put it in my files and occasionally use it in my teaching.

All of us find ourselves needing to dismiss someone from time to time. A boss has to fire someone; a manager must tell a person that someone else got the promotion; a boyfriend decides that he no longer wants the relationship with his girlfriend; a woman tells her lawyer she has decided to use someone else to do her corporate work.

Rejecting someone is an action that few people enjoy. Clearly, however, there are some ways of rejecting that are better than others.

If you decide to change accountants, don’t start the conversation with chatty remarks like “How’s the family?” or “What’s happening?” Simply move to the bottom line: “Ralph, we’ve decided to use someone else’s services. We appreciate everything you’ve done for us in the past. But at this point we need to do something different.

If Ralph presses you to explain why you’re going to use someone else, don’t give him a lot of negative feedback. Simply say, “I just think it’s best if we move on.” If you do decide to get into specifics, such as his bill seems to be getting higher and higher, expect a rebuttal. Remember, too, your comments may sets up a scenario where he starts attacking you.

If you’re terminating a relationship, most often it’s better to do it face-to-face. Do it cleanly and don’t say such things as “It would be better for both of us,” or “One day you’ll thank me for making this decision.”
Don’t hedge with such statements as “Maybe we should take a breather,” or “I don’t think this relationship is working for us.” Both of these comments invite the other person to plead her case with such arguments as “Well, I think it’s working, “or “I don’t want to take a breather.” Best to say, “The relationship just doesn’t work for me.”
When firing someone or terminating a relationship, don’t say that it hurts you more than the other could know. It is the other person who needs to be taken care of, at that point, not you. If you do feel badly, and you may, ask someone else to give you support. But don’t ask the person whom you’re rejecting.

Rejecting, firing, dismissing another person is something almost everyone has to do from time to time. What’s important is that you do it straightforwardly and with consideration and compassion.

If you hold non-for-profit status, or you are a health care provider, you are hereby granted reprint rights provided the author’s name and web address is included as it presently appears. Bundling of this article along with other articles by Doris Wild Helmering for reprint purposes is prohibited. For other reprint rights, please contact the author through her web page.

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