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How to Handle Suffering & Disappointment
by Doris Wild Helmering
29 Page e-book
Downloadble PDF
Material from HOW TO HANDLE SUFFERING AND
DISAPPOINTMENT?
Excerpt 1:
No one escapes life without pain and disappointment. This is the first noble
truth Buddha taught. Life is pain. Life is suffering.
I look around me. Every person I know has had pain -- physical pain and
emotional pain. The death of a child. A chronic illness. Loss of a mate. Loss of
a parent. Affairs. Lost jobs. Divorce. Problems with friends. Financial
problems. Betrayals. Law-suits. A difficult child. Alcohol problems. Issues with
drugs. Car accidents. Broken bones. Cancer. Infertility. In-law problems.
Problems with aging parents. I could fill several books with my friends'
sufferings and ten more with some of the sufferings my clients have had to
endure.
Life doesn't provide us with only big hurts; it also gives us plenty of little
thumps and bumps along the way. For example: A child won't cooperate and do his
homework; the toilet stops up; the electrician doesn't come when you've taken
off work; your fourteen-year-old ``borrows'' the family car; your mother is
overly critical; a mate rejects you sexually; the refrigerator breaks down; the
hot water heater goes out; a friend burns a hole in your furniture and pretends
she didn't do it. This is life.
Some months, some years are better. I sometimes think, ``This is good.
Everything is fine, only a little suffering these last few months.”
When pain comes into your life, how do you deal with it? Do you get angry? Cry?
Withdraw and feel depressed? Put one foot in front of the other and keep on
marching? Focus on something new? Obsess and think, ``Why me?'' and ``It's not
fair''? Do you look for insight in reading and talking with others? Do you ask
God for help? Do you work with a therapist? Do you push the sadness away by
refusing to think about it?
How you deal with your pain is what makes the difference. How you deal with it
is what makes you greater or lesser. It makes you the person you are and can
become.
Excerpt 2:
``DROP THAT ROCK!''
I sometimes tell my clients who get caught in their pain the following story.
A man is swimming across a river and in one hand he's holding a big rock. As he
nears the middle of the river, the people on shore can see the man's in trouble.
He's choking and sputtering. ``Drop the rock!'' yells a man on the shore.
``You'll be able to swim better.'' Still the man in the water holds on to the
rock. Everyone on shore who is watching can see the man is drowning. ``Drop the
rock!'' the people shout. ``Drop the rock!'' Finally the man turns and with his
last breath says, ``I can't. It's mine.''
Are you holding on to a rock that you need to drop? How often do you pick it up,
examine it, and make yourself feel miserable?
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2006, Doris Wild Helmering
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